Rolling Away Stones

Dear Friend,

Today I woke up not knowing what the day would hold for me, but I knew two things: 1.) my dreams were far too stressful for me to even think about returning to them and 2.) I was going to church in a few hours.

So I woke up quite early (considering I could have slept a couple hours longer) and just laid on the sofa (with my faithful companion, Honey Bear, of course!) and many thoughts swept through my mind. I had no idea what the service was going to be about, but God knew that I needed help.

*Warning: this blog may end up being more serious and thought provoking than just readable entertainment. My apologizes if that is not what you are looking for--come back tomorrow for some more laughable stories (I have a feeling tomorrow's blog will have something funny!).

I've been struggling with certain things lately that I wasn't sure how to deal with. Lately I feel like I am almost being suffocated by my past, and wondering if God can heal all hurts--if allowed to. I know God can do all things, because nothing is impossible for God....the part I struggle with is: how do I allow Him to heal places in my heart I've tried to ignore for so long, thinking that if I just ignore them--they won't exist any longer.

Well Friend, take it from me: ignoring pain doesn't make it go away...laying band-aid after band-aid on top of a wounded heart will only make the heart grow heavy.

I feel as though certain events happened in my life that caused damage to my heart and I haven't been able to fully give those damaged parts over to God to heal because I haven't wanted to deal with the pain of those circumstances again. I have been able to harden my thoughts to those circumstances and talk about them with certain people as a matter-of-fact circumstance as if it were an everyday occurrence. But I recently shared some of these events and...it made my heart hurt to remember some of these things. So I slapped another band-aid on my heart, changed the subject, and told myself to get over it--I told myself, "it was in the past, why get upset now?". But just because something is in the past doesn't mean it isn't affecting my present and my future if I'm not healed from those hurts. If my heart isn't healed of these hurts, the pain will prevent me from fulfilling my purpose and destiny God has for me. Pain causes fear, unworthiness, shame, guilt, insecurities, and slew of other un-Godly emotions. Over the past month I have felt God tugging at the band-aids layered up on my heart, within the last couple weeks...I've been slowly, painfully peeling back the band-aids. I'm not sure if all the band-aids are off yet, but I feel like I'm holding this piece of mangled, damaged beyond recognition lump of heart that only God could turn into something beautiful again.

My sister helped me more than she'll ever knew when we drove home from Gainesville last week and I blurted out something about my past and several layers of band-aids were shed through the wave of tears I cried. She helped me see past the pain to the light at the end of the tunnel. She prayed with me at a service plaza and broke through the pain that had become like a suffocating cloud around me. And I don't normally cry in front of people (which is probably one of the things from my past I have to come to terms with) but I think I really needed to cry...for like the majority of the trip home (sorry Christy for not being as fun as I normally am).

I know there are certain things God has for me, but I have to be in a position to receive them...and I'm ready to get to that position...even if it means rolling the stone away.
What about rolling the stone away, you ask?
Well, in church today, God knew He needed to give me a message...so the sermon was on "Rolling Away the Stone. What stone do you need to roll away in your life?" and the main scripture was in John 11 when Lazarus died and Jesus raised him from the dead. It was an excellent sermon (you can watch it on www.abundantlife.tv under "media"). There were several things that really stuck out to me:

If you want God to do something He's never done before in your life, then you have to be willing to to do what you've never done before. [change]

If I am willing to do the difficult, God will do the impossible.

Once we roll away the stone, Jesus is free to say, "Come."

And I hope whoever reads this realizes that there was soooo much more to the sermon than just those three quotes, but those three stood out the most to me, and in relevance to what I've been sharing. I would like to leave you these few verses and a song and then bid you, dear Friend, goodnight. I hope what I have written tonight is clear, and understandable (I know I shouldn't wait until it's so late--my thoughts get too jumbled when I'm tired!!). Thank you for taking the time to read this blog message..I know it's missing the usual spunky-ness and entertaining stories I try to produce, but sometimes...there is a time to be serious. I am a sincere person who tries to be as honest as I can...so it would be insincere of me to not share what is on my heart with you.

I also hope that if anyone reads this and is going through painful transformations, that they would find hope and joy in knowing that they are not ever alone. My goal is to one day be able to share my story with young girls and women..if not as a precaution to guard their hearts and bodies, but as a way for them to understand forgiveness and God's love and mercy. If anyone reads this blog and would like to learn more of my story, please feel free to ask and I will share what I can. My goal is be able to help females free their hearts so they can love freely, with nothing holding them back...I just have to allow myself to get to that place! :)

2 Corinthians 5:17-- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new

Romans 8:28-- And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Psalm 139:1-4-- O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

Psalm 139:13-14--For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:17-18--How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:23-24--Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 30:2--O Lord, my God, I cried out to You, and You healed me.

Jeremiah 29:11--For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and hope.

Hebrews 13: 5(b)--For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Ecclesiastes 3:11--He has made everything beautiful in its time.


An amazing song...the lyrics have def. been the cry of my heart lately.
"Beautiful, Beautiful" By: Francesca Battistelli
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbCfyZHSQbE